So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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