We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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