you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
