We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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