I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
