Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
