Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
