i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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