If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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