Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
