His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
