ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
