Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
