just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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