If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
