Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry SpankyMcThrust hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(419): View more from Ohio

The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.

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(916): View more from California

No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us

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(740): View more from Ohio

so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?

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(954): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?

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