I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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