I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
