Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
