why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
