I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
