Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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