I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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