I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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