SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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