now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
