Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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