this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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