I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
