Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
