just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
