Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
