I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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