Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads

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(970): View more from Colorado

Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?

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(770): View more from Georgia

Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.

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(503): View more from Oregon

How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped

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(616): View more from Michigan

Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...

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