fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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