Kiss
Puke
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
