I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A+ Viking dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
