Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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