you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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