Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
