to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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