"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What drink are we having for lunch?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
