it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
