saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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