Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
