I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
