Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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