Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
