Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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