They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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