Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
